Dear Friend

Dear Friend –

I don’t quite know how to say this, but you’re being a jerk. You’re being mean and rude and selfish. That’s the truth. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

I know we’re not the best of friends, I know we haven’t been close for most of our lives. But we’ve known each other a long time and you know how I feel about honesty and communication. But you still choose to ignore me. Is that really easier? 

These games are just getting old. Yes, I think you’re playing some sort of game.

Here’s another truth: I’m not looking to be your BFF, but I thought we had a decent friendship. So when I ask you how you’ve been, or how your kids are doing, I thought I’d get an answer. Boy, was I wrong.

I don’t even get a returned text to say that you’re busy. I just get ignored.

Do you know how that feels? Have you ever been ignored?

We had a conversation once where you mentioned that you had been ignored by someone and you told me how it made you feel. I find it hard to believe that you would do that to someone else after it was done to you.

Then I start to ask myself, why would I want a friend like you in my life. The only answer I can come up with is the one thing that we have in common. But is that one thing enough to sustain any level of friendship when one person truly doesn’t care about the other?

I’ve been told that caring too much is likely my problem. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t care about some people. But that’s not how I was raised. I was raised to care about my friends, to be there when they need someone, to listen, to cheer them up, and to just talk to.

I have the feeling you’re going through something, and I can see it bothers you. For a while, we had a great relationship where we talked daily. It felt good to have someone to talk to again … someone who understood. Then you just moved on, I guess.

Your recent post on Facebook made me wonder if you were doing ok, so I texted you. I got very little in reply. So I guess that means you got whatever it was you wanted from me and now you’re done.

Do you always just drop friends? I have a horrible habit of letting people walk in and out of my life on their own terms. I’ve always been able to chalk it up to “that’s who they are.” I could tell you dozens of stories about some of the best people I known coming and going from my life. It never bothered me until now.

Maybe I’ve been through too much the past few years. Maybe I leaned on you a little too much. Maybe I got too used to the laughter. Either way, I don’t want to allow friends to use me anymore.

Yes, use me. I think that’s what you’re doing.

I know it sounds like I’m whining, but that isn’t fair. I’m there when you want to talk, but you’re not there for me. Honestly, my life seems to be full of people like that. And something has to change, I just don’t have time for this kind of stuff anymore.

A girl can only reach out to her friends so many times and be rebuffed before she gives up. That’s where I am with you right now. I feel like I’m on the borderline of being pushy. Not wanting to ever be pushy, I’ll likely just withdraw and live in my own head for a while.

I have a tendency to do that. It’s not one of my better qualities. Call it a survival mechanism.

I wish you would have figured this out earlier, before we opened up to each other, before we spent so much time laughing, and making plans for the next time we got together. You see, because I believed there would be a next time, that there would be more laughs, I started to think of our friendship as solid.

But, like I said, I’ve reached out and you haven’t. And I don’t want to be pushy.

I don’t know what to do or say next. So I guess I won’t do anything.

I had a lot of fun with you. I’ve always believed you can never have too many friends.

Best wishes,

J

Just another example of me assuming people are better than they really are.

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