Every once in a while I venture into online dating. I’m not sure why, really. Probably because I’m an eternal optimist and romantic and love to hear how people met online and fell madly in love.
Mostly what happens for me is that I hang my head lower with each received message, have a glass of wine, deactivate my profile, and volunteer for something to occupy what remaining free time I have.
Sorry folks, but if it means I’m picky that I’d like a man who can communicate using FULL words (with the majority of them spelled correctly), who will engage in conversation (meaning he asks some questions, too), and who isn’t looking for a one-night stand … then call me picky.
Here’s a sampling of the emails I’ve received from an online dating site over the past week.
• Hi, my name is Ron. Wow ur a cutie
Hi Ron, Thanks for the compliment. Did you read any of the bio I wrote? Can you read?
• Hi their my name is Jerry I have seen your profile. I would like to get to know you.
I actually considered replying to Jerry. So I went to his bio to find out more about him. It said, “Hi their my name is Jerry I have seen your profile. I would like to get to know you.” Hm.
Not sure how to reply to that …
• Hey u…hope u had a good day…don’t know when ur going to get this txt..if not till the mrn..well then good morning k…:-):-)…ttys
Hey u thnx 4 da note. 2 bad i lookin 4 som1 who cn write me eml tat i wont need decoder 2 read.
• I think I might be able to handle you biting you nails…and sarcastic and witty is a must…I have a lot of laundry to do too..WERE A MATCH…drum e on smile…ttys k…
1. HANDLE me? Eff you, buddy. 2. This was the third or fourth e-mail he’d sent me in about an hour. I was in a meeting. NEXT!
And my favorite one:
• My husband likes you
[block & report]
Add to that list above, ‘MUST BE SINGLE.’